I think many of you will find it interesting that when I was young I never saw a future of me being married and having kids. I was just mostly concerned about me having somewhat of career. From where I come from, I felt those things would hold me back from making money and I was selfish. I hated being poor and even though I’m a big family person I thought it wouldn’t be a good fit for me. I had very conflicting thoughts because on one hand, I’m a big nurturer at heart but then on the other hand I felt I was too wild to be a mother.
Everything changed when I met Ice…..
Now marriage was one thing but having kids was another. I’ve had many hang-ups my entire life as to why I shouldn’t have kids and I don’t want to get too deep into this subject cause’ it hits a slight nerve so I will briefly speak on it…
As I mentioned before, my mom was a young actress and at 19 years old she was one of the first Rams California cheerleader. During this time she got pregnant with me and to this day she mentions from time to time that because she got pregnant with me she had to stop her career. This has stuck with me through life and I thought I would have the same problem. Even though I know it’s not the truth now, I grew up thinking this. Another reason for second guessing kids was everyone around me seemed to have major issues with kid matters and I didn’t want to add to the problems so I turned off that side of my brain…
Another thought that was implanted in my head was…Body change. Just think about it…. My whole career path I was looking a certain way & being as perfect as I can be and if I got pregnant how it would affect me. I didn’t know how my body was going to react to it. Was I going to blow up instantly, was my boobs going to fall…what about stretch marks? The list goes on. Everyone around me had some negative thoughts they wanted to fill my head up with especially women. Not one gave me a positive insight…and keep in mind I was young and selfish so I fed into what people that were around told me. Ice was the one that turned my thoughts around, he gave me the best reality perspective on this subject. He raised my spirits by reassuring me that pregnancy won’t change much cause’ I’m healthy and I take good care of myself on a regular basis. Honestly, I laugh today for even being concerned about it because now that I’m pregnant I could care less about my body all I care about is to have a healthy baby and if that means sacrificing myself then so be it! I’m making a baby for god’s sake this is not a time for being selfish.
Now back to when I met Ice and marriage……
I tell every girl there comes a time when you meet the love of your life and everything you thought about up to that point goes down the drain. You just know in your soul when the right time comes and I knew instantly I wanted to be married to Ice…I was very young, 22 to be exact and really didn’t truly know what the word “married” meant. All I knew was I wanted to be his partner for life…the highs, the lows, the ups the downs…It definitely takes a special someone to change your whole thought process. Now being with him still took some time to get comfortable with even considering having a kid but I knew in my heart when the time was right we could too share a little miracle between us. I believe that is the ultimate bond in a couple.
Early in Ice and I’s relationship we talked on the kid subject. We were both on the same page…He wasn’t in a hurry at that time to have another kid cause he already had 2 children from past relationships so the NEED for kids wasn’t present but he did say he puts it in my hands and when I’m ready he’ll step up to the plate. For me, I told him when we did decide to have a child I wanted to wait until I was 35 years old…I thought that was the magic number. To me my 20’s was still seeing the world and to have as much fun as I could. I also wanted to get to a certain level in all my businesses where I could step away and not be hands on 24/7. For instance today all of my business ventures are practically run off the internet…It took me 15 years to get to this point but I can run it from anywhere…home, Ice’s work, on tour, vacation, anywhere! After building it from a one person team I also needed to feel comfortable to hire people to help me as I expanded…On a side note, Ice never forced me to do anything (such as work) I could easily sit back and just be wifey, if I wanted to, but that’s not the kind of women I am. Women need their accolades too just as men do, we need to feel our worth and that we’ve done something in life, I am by no means lazy and that’s why when I first got together with Ice one of the first things I did was put modeling on the backburner for 6 years and I became his assistant.
Now to me when you’re in your 30’s this is the age group when you should be mature enough to know what you want out of life and also to be able to settle down by now…you should be thinking more like an adult and less like a kid. I said all that to say, this is the reason I thought 35 was the perfect age!
And so my journey begins….
